Humor, Random Thoughts

When I look in your eyes, I go crazy.

I am not a complete zealot environmentalist like Ed Begley Jr. or Bill Nye, but I do try to do my best to care for the planet.

I conserve water and electricity as much as I can. My yard is mostly native plants to minimize water usage and to encourage native fauna to come hang out. The little grass I do have is treated organically with humus and only watered every 5 days or longer. I use an electric mower and a broom and the clippings are either left on the lawn or put in the composter if I need more greens.

I try to buy locally and grow my own vegetables organically with the aforementioned compost. I pick off snails, horn worms and other creepy crawlies that may attempt to destroy my precious little harvest.

I save all kinds of odd things for crafts or “maybe I will find a use for it.” What I can’t reuse, I recycle including receipts and other tiny little scraps of paper and things that drives my husband bonkers.

I contribute to a few save the animal type causes and try not to use my shopping habits to endanger animals (i.e. no palm oil, etc.)

We have bamboo floors, patio furniture and even sheets! (softest sheets I’ve ever had if you are wondering).

I use minimal commercially made cleaning products and those I do use are almost always an environmentally friendly version.  For example, I clean my windows and mirrors with plain old water and some recycled newspaper. The one multipurpose cleaner I use (Quixtar’s LOC) is “planet friendly”.

I try to do my part to care for this beautiful planet and the creatures on it. I consider myself pretty green.

Until the ants come in my house.

Then I turn very green. A moody Incredible Hulk on a bad day has nothing on me when I see a trail of ants in my house. I turn from a planet loving pacifist into a psychotic mass murderess spraying, stomping, smashing, and swearing at every last little one of those vile home invaders.

I diligently inspect the walls and floors. Every nook, every cranny, every impossible infinitesimally small little hole they could possibly come out of is monitored. I crouch down so the counter is at eye level, my handy dandy pistol grip spray bottle of LOC at the ready.

If I see movement I pounce! Spray spray smash! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Yes, I found out by accident one time LOC kills ants, not just drowns them, but kills them. Then I can just wipe up the carcasses along with the cleaner. But sometimes when my personal demons take hold of me, I leave the bodies laying around as warnings for other ants that may dare to consider entering my personal sanctum! Mwa ha ha ha!

Once I have the first wave under control I call in the cavalry. Luis, my “Bug Guy”. He comes over and sprays the perimeter of the house – never inside and not around the edible garden. Like with the LOC, I still have some standards.

Even after he leaves I remain on guard for days afterwards. Cooking is kept to a minimum. Dishes are washed and dried and put away immediately. The tiniest crumb is swept up almost before it touches the floor. It doesn’t matter that the logical part of my brain knows that they are actually just after the water and a cool place to hang out when it is over 100 degrees outside. We had food ants in the apartment and we had to live that way ALL the time. I see an ant and my brain automatically shifts back to that mode.

I do have my limits. No ants are allowed in MY house. PERIOD. Did you read that ants? What do you mean ants can’t read? Hm, maybe that’s why they always ignore my “NO ANTS ALLOWED” signs. Maybe I should have my son make a few more of these.

 

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4 thoughts on “When I look in your eyes, I go crazy.”

  1. I am sitting here chuckling as I do a lot of the same "planet" saving things. I repurpose lots of stuff and use them in my crafts etc. I grow my veggies and garden in a green way. For me, I am phobic about bugs. I have a cricket problem for some reason EVERY summer. I start screaming for the hubby when I have to go to the basement to "de-cricket". I spray around and yet they arrive each year. I am thinking I need to get a "bug guy". I know they are good for the earth, but they freak me out as they jump etc.. I feel bad sending them to cricket heaven, but only for a minute. ugh.

    1. Oh I had crickets in the past too. I had to get rid of all the cardboard boxes I had stored and put everything in plastic. right now they aremunching on the leaves of my sunflowers and I am leaving them alone, but come in my house…

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