I was thirsty, so sue me.

I'd been working in the yard on a beautiful spring day and worked up a bit of a thirst. But, what should I drink?

Sugar filled Soda is out according to the new WHO guidelines limiting sugar.

Diet Soda is nothing but poison according to a few of my FaceBook friends (I know they are trustworthy because their profile pic is one of them falling over drunk with a margarita in hand instead of a lethal diet soda).

Coffee? - No! Caffeine will destroy my "emotional intelligence" per Forbes.

How Stuff Works gives me 8 reasons why I can't choose milk.

Lemonade or ice tea? - oops, no sugar or artificial sweeteners allowed. And the tea might have caffeine so my emotions would get stupider than they already are.

Maybe some nice healthy 100% fruit juice? Nope, Smoothies and fruit juices are a health risk per The Guardian.

Ok, how about a plain glass water?

• Healthy Stuff.org is adamant that I'd better not drink from the garden hose or risk lead poisoning among other dangers.
• Even tap water is potentially dangerous says Huff Post.
• Bottled water? No way I want to risk angering all of the environmentalists by bringing those evil plastic bottles into my home.

[Tweet "All I wanted was something to quench my thirst, but I found out "everything" is BAD! #humor #media"]

Sigh. I was just thirsting for something to re-hydrate my body, not thirsting for excessive and obsessive knowledge that everything on this planet is out to kill me or by consuming it I am responsible for killing the planet.

Forget it! Maybe my FB friends were on the right track with the margaritas after all. It might make me thirstier in the long one, but after one or two of these I won't care anymore.

Click here for our Margarita recipe.