Humor

Time for some Alphabet Soup

My son’s Triennial Individual Education Plan meeting is coming up at the end of the month. For those of you not in the know, every child in Special Education in public schools goes through a battery of tests by different specialists to start receiving services and then again every three years to evaluate the progress. Annual meetings are held in between as progress checks and goals/services can be adjusted.

Like any good government program, acronyms abound. It is Alphabet Soup time around here:
IEP
FAPE
LRE
BIS
IBI
ABA
ASDS
ARS-2
DSM IV
Connors 3

Right now J is being pulled out of class at least once a week for testing by Speech Therapist, Behavioral Intervention Specialist, Occupational Therapist, School Nurse and the School Psychologist. Plus they are observing him in class and on the playground.

Meanwhile, M and I get to complete surveys about him outside of school. Last night I started perusing the latest stack from the School Psychologist.

When I got to the Connors 3 Parent Short Form I almost howled with laughter. If you want the whole form just google it. I am going to give you a few highlights.

Answer the following about your child in the last month on a scale of 0 (not at all true), 1 (just a little true), 2 (pretty much true), 3 (very much true)

  • Is perfect in every way
    • if he were perfect in every way, would we be here?
  • Acts as if driven by a motor
    • what 6 year old doesn’t act this way, especially after sitting in class all day
  • Cannot do things right
    • things? what things? breathing, eating, calculus, assembling IKEA furniture, ignoring his mother when the Ninja Turtles are on…
  • Is messy or disorganized
    • I might not want to answer this one at the moment considering the trail of toys from one end of the house to the other.
  • Is patient and content even when standing in a long line
    • in a long line for what? a ride at an amusement park or the bank? to a 6 year old 2 people in front of them can be a long line.
  • Behaves like an angel
    • an angel? an angel from where? In Revelations, the Archangel Michael fought “the Dragon and his angels”.
  • Has to struggle to complete hard tasks
    • nope, not at all. Hard tasks are easy for him. Aren’t they easy for you?
Seriously? My son’s education plan is being based on my responses to those inane questions?! Or are you throwing in those questions just to give me a giggle?
Is this really an evaluation of his father and me? Do we have blinders on? Are we hyper-critical? 
Do they offer services for me for the permanent damage I have from rolling my eyes so much? Is there any hope for this child overcoming his overtly sarcastic mother? 
I don’t remember completing this one three years ago. But, I might have been so overwhelmed by all of the forms and the rest of the process that I blocked it out. Now I feel like an old pro at this. This form and it’s analysis probably accounts for 1% of the entire process.  
I am going to screw on my serious face and complete it as every serious concerned parent should. Then my husband and I will sit around and joke about it after J is in bed.

Thank you for the Blog-fodder Dr Keith Connors, PH.D!

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